My students are always my saviors, but they'd never know it. In some weird way, they drive me mad, but I love 'em.
It just so happened over this lousy week I had, there were students who came to me with questions. While I am in my head, forcing myself to show up to work, barely eating, and running off coffee and no sleep—they were expecting answers. I could not let their questions and pain fall on deaf ears because I was moping.
I am making a great attempt to find something beautiful in each day, as I am in my climb upward. So here is my Friday dose of sunshine.
Considering I am a teacher, I have made my students blog. They made websites. Personalized them. Shared secrets and laughs on them. Whispers and screams. They were not excited about these blogs back in February when I made them create them, but you have no idea of the talent and raw emotion that fill these seats in my classroom. And by damn, if they can pick their head up, come to school all day, deal with the teen pressures of life, turn in all of these senior projects, and work after school (not getting off until I am already asleep), who the Hell am I to wallow. Below are words from my sweet, sweet students. Pulled from their blogs. On their worst days. They are inspiring.
how to not get a boyfriend
Hello my fellow single ladies. Don’t you love it how you could never get out of the talking stage? Me too! I’ve been doing it for years now that some may even say I’m a pro. If you’re wanting to know how to stay single with cats and cry yourself to sleep because you feel like you’re not good enough, keep reading.
First Step: Get attached really fast; like the first day you start talking
Second Step: Tell all your friends that you have a new boo; it’ll make explaining why you two aren’t talking anymore after a week 10 times better
Third Step: Text him really fast and show that you’re emotionally ready for a bf; He’ll enjoy how eager you are to date him after 2 days and no he doesn’t find it creepy
Fourth Step: Stalk him on social media and question who Jessica is; When he says Jessica is his cousin don’t believe him and be salty at him
Fifth Step: Get Insecure that you’re not good enough to be with an attractive man like him
Sixth Step: Make plans to meet up and hang out; It’s better when they don’t show up or call the date off
Last Step:Now here’s where you have two choices: Curse them out and end it with anger OR you could play dumb and think that when he isn’t texting you back he’s just busy; even better to double text him.
Now ladies follow these steps and you’ll come out with no boyfriend and a shattering heart. It’s okay because thanks to social media there are dating apps. There you can keep thinking you found “the one” even when it’s the fifteenth guy. It’s okay though, I’m not judging. Prosper my ladies and let society manipulate you to think you need love to have any value in this world. If not, keep buying cats.
relationships ain't shhh
"I love you, I care about you, you're not the problem, but I'm not happy, and I don't want to be with you."
Very recently, I was dumped, and I'm not going to lie, it hasn't been great. But I've had to confront a lot of issues head-on as a result of the fallout, and for that part, I'm almost grateful? I've learned a lot about myself, and I guess that's something positive I can take away from the experience. Doesn't mean I haven't cried myself to sleep every night. Doesn't mean I don't even know what to do with myself half the time anymore because I barely know who I am without him. Doesn't mean I want to move on. It hurts like crazy, but most everyone has been where I am right now.
High school is not a time to be meeting people and making plans to stay with them forever. You don't know anything. You are a child. No, he doesn't love you. Yes, she will leave you. No, he wasn't asleep at home. Yes, she was with her ex when you thought she was spending time with her mom. Everyone lies, and everyone makes mistakes (cue Hannah Montana song). Hurt people hurt people. I know I'm not the greatest person, and I won't deny that if confronted with the fact. But that doesn't mean I didn't try. I'd give anything to repair the damage I've done, and I'm sure that means something to someone, but I'm sure he isn't the slightest bit sorry for the part he played in our downfall, and it isn't my fault that he doesn't care to fix it. But that's a personal choice. You cannot make someone love you. You giving a guy or girl your all doesn't mean they have to do the same. You should not expect their love. They owe you nothing. That's just something you have to learn to accept.
As for mending your broken heart, do whatever you feel is best for you, be it working out until you're about to die, eating your feelings, partying with your friends, or kissing every person you know. You do you. No one expects you to be in your right mind right after you've had your heart ripped out of your chest. It's okay to not be okay. But know that you will make it. You will matter to someone, no matter how insignificant you feel now. You shouldn't feel used. You cared, even if they didn't. Your time wasn't wasted if you were happy. Time heals all. So chin up.
to future me
The future me better be a better and more confident person. I want to be happy with who i am and not afraid to do stuff. You should always want to work on the things you are unhappy with or know you need to work on.
10 things I’d like to tell future me is 1: be happy with your looks, 2: be happy with your personality, 3: be more confident in yourself and what you’re doing, 4: learn how to do things on your own, 5: don’t be afraid to commit, 6: look at the better and not the worse, 7: do not care what other people think/ say about you, 8: stand up for yourself, 9: don’t let “friends” walk all over you, 10: don’t be shy. All of these things are the things i want to work on most and be better at. I need to do a lot of work to better myself. I will never truly be myself if i don’t work on these.
Everybody has things they need to work on but some don’t do it and some do. Some people are better at hiding the things they know they need to work on and others, like me, don’t.
Student 4: A darling girl. Lives with her mother, step dad, and boyfriend of two years. He bought her a promise ring earlier this year—they are adorable. They are having a tough week, as well, right now. I myself k now the challenge of living with boyfriends while still in high school. But her words here, make me warm.
dear future husband,
I hope I make you happy. I hope you make me happy. I hope our children are happy. I hope we live in a three bedroom home with a giant backyard so we can adopt at least two dogs and have a garden. I hope we live somewhere, but I also hope we live somewhere that snows. There's nothing like waking up to the beautiful white blanket of snow, even if that means we're stuck in the house all day. I hope that we're successful in our daily lives and I hope that neither of us or our children have to go without or feel less than. I hope you know that I'll always be here for you and I hope our kids know that we'll always there for them as well. I hope the love we have for one another never falters nor fades. I have a big heart and I pray you have one too. I hope the both of us live to be at least 100, if not, I settle for 75 maybe. I hope you still love me after I get older and those fine laugh lines start to settle in my skin, but just know that it's okay because you're the one who caused them.
I hope that we're able to laugh and laugh until tears stream down our cheeks because whatever it is that we're laughing is just THAT funny. I hope you're willing to put up with my attitude and my emotions, as I will be willing to put up with yours. I hope that we never become too much for each other. I know that we'll have disagreements, but I know that we can make it through them. I hope there's never a thought in your mind to have a lack of faithfulness. I will make a promise to you now that I will fight for you, but not over you. If you ever have reservations tell me and we can try to assess the situation and work on it. Future husband, I promise to remind you often of my love for you. I promise to make you feel important as long as you do the same. Dear future husband, I hope you know that I will love you until our days become shorter and our breaths shallower until there is nothing left but the memories we made along our long journey.
so, we have to remember, everybody has their days. there is inspiration all around. everybody makes choices. love sucks, sometimes. there is people counting on you to straighten up and keep it moving. and it was a shocking but refreshing thing to hear one of their little voices echo...
Ms. Snowden, get your shit together.
Lots of love, tons of kisses, yes-- I am still internally a little salty.